


Rush

by NothingSoDivine



Series: NSD Writes Homestuck [18]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Eating Disorders, Gen, Sollux has Terrible Habits, WUZZLES!, idk man it's not very long, it's the year of our lord twenty-twenty and dammit I will have my wuzzles, that's about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:40:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26826028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingSoDivine/pseuds/NothingSoDivine
Summary: Sollux has an unhealthy relationship with food. CW: intentional starvation, negative thoughts around having to eat.
Series: NSD Writes Homestuck [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/448273
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Rush

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to vent some of my thoughts about how my body reacts to not being fed regularly. This is very much amplified for dramatic effect and catharsis; I'm actually fine.

It starts as an accident. You go two days without eating because you're busy and distracted, and then KK bugs you until you order a pizza and when it arrives you inhale the entire thing in two minutes. As you wash it down (with water, because KK threatened violence if you drank anything else), you're hit suddenly with a wave of dizziness, and then you're sitting on the floor and your skin is all flushed and hot and your thinksponge has gone soft and hazy. You end up lying on the sticky floor in front of your computer, watching your bees fly and trying to parse their patterns, for a long time before your head feels steady and you can get back up.

It becomes a habit, equally by accident. It's not that you do it on purpose; it just happens again for the same reasons it happened the first time. You go too long without eating, and then when you do eat, the food tastes like heaven and leaves you dizzy and hazy and warm.

The first time you get drunk, it feels familiar. You've felt this dizzy, hazy feeling before, except it's not dirty and uncomfortable like being drunk is, it doesn't make you vomit or give you a headache in the morning. It feels the same, except better.

You don't stop doing it. You start going longer periods of time without food. The longer you go, the bigger the rush. Your body is rewarding you for finally eating, but your mind knows it's the deprivation beforehand that really earns the high, and the two twist together until every time you give in and eat, you're cursing yourself out under your breath. _You could've gone longer than that. You can do better._

Self-hatred is nothing to you at this point; you're used to ignoring it. You don't tell anyone else, so nobody knows to stop you.

You'll be your own death, if nothing else gets you first.

**Author's Note:**

> please do not try this at home -6/10 do not recommend it's genuinely so horrible


End file.
